The last thing I took a picture of was my fiance Shawn. I needed a new picture of him to use as the background for my phone, because he got his hair cut on Friday, making my previous picture outdated. (It was a drastic haircut.)

In this photo he's sitting at his desk at work, just after eating the Subway sandwich I'd brought him. He was looking at his computer as I tried to take the picture, intentionally trying to make it a bad one. I ended up snapping him with a ridiculous fake-happy look on his face, and I kept it.

This weekend I stayed at my parents' house (without Shawn). I slept in my old bed, in my old room, with my old self. In the morning as I dawdled about going to work, I started going through some of my furniture and turned up a big box of old photos that I was going to use for a scrapbook.

I stink at scrapbooking, so I just went through the photos to find the ones that I thought worth keeping. I'm eventually going to scan them in and post them in various places. An online scrapbook.

Here's one of me, about three years old, wearing a diaper and sitting in my neighbor's pink plastic kiddy pool. I'm drinking the water, which is grimy and disgusting.

Here's one taken in front of my grandma's house, probably at a holiday because I'm dressed up--probably Easter--and my two front teeth are missing.

Here's one where my dad is teaching me how to brush my teeth. The sink in our bathroom back in Connecticut is scalloped. I bet the new owners replaced it.

Here's one of me and Shawn when we were voted Best Couple for our senior yearbook. Neither of us knew they were taking the pictures that day. I had writing on my hand.

Here's one of me and Shawn before our sophomore-year Homecoming dance. My dress was white and very Stevie-Nicks like, and some of the photos look like wedding photos. I had my hair short and wore contacts back then, just like I do now.

Here's one of me, my brother, and my godmother's daughter sitting on a ledge in Liechtenstein. I have a black eye, thanks to my brother having thrown a rock at my face while playing Monkeys.

Here's one of my brother, holding a snowball and looking suspicious.

And here, at 3:52pm on November 20, 2007, is me regressing.

An easy way for me to be happy is to think of my grandfather, the late Tony Head more better known to me as Opi, and what he would say to see everything that I'm accomplishing now.

I'm not saying that happiness is accomplishment or pride, or living up to others expectations. For me, my happiness is carrying on Opi's talents and legacy. From him I inherited my love of language, my interest in our family geneology, and most importantly my passion for writing.

The *easiest* way for me to be happy is to take stock of everything that I've got going for myself and all the good that is still to come. A quick inventory of the people in my life, my memories, my goals and my progress, and everything else that makes my life survivable is usually enough to put me in a good (and very grateful) mood.

The simplest answer is NO.

I am impulsive but I have gotten burned by the outcomes of many impulsive decisions. I take risks, but I don't LIKE to take risks. My risky decisions are usually the outcome of faulty logic, tangled emotions, and self-centeredness.

Some risks have paid off. Most have not. Whenever I am proposed with a new situation that looks risky, I have to fight an entire army of red flags in my mind before I can earnestly consider it.

There are certain things I won't gamble with. My relationships. My mind. My savings. My values. If I'm comfortable where I am in all of those areas, I won't put them at risk.

I will bungee-jump. I will take a leap off a high-dive. I will carelessly throw away receipts. I will speak up and make my opinion heard even if it might get me into trouble. I will look at other men and women who are not Shawn.

I will not do hard drugs. I will not blow my savings on an impulse purchase. I will not sacrifice myself in the name of protest. I will never, ever, ever do anything to shake the foundation of my relationship with Shawn (been there, done that, barely survived). I will never elope, as that would damage the relationships with my parents and his parents. I will never do anything that will destroy the relationship between me and my future kids. I will not betray a friend for my own gain.

I play on the safe side. While walking the line might be more fun, more exhilarating, more full of life, playing it safe is a good method for this point of my life.