Rules in my Life

Lately I've been thinking about the Rules that I live by, my ethics, my values, my principles, whatever you call them. The governing forces that control how I behave towards myself and towards others. I finally have enough of them mentally compiled to commit them to a blog entry.

They are in no particular order.

1. Modesty is the best policy. The ego is a harmful thing. Bragging seldom brings me any good. Compliments should be received gracefully and not allowed to go to my head. I don't like people who brag, who are showy or over the top, who appear to think highly of themselves and little of others, and who generally act too big for their britches.

2. Being nice to others is seldom wrong, and being mean to others is seldom right. Even if someone really really pushes the wrong buttons, or disagrees with me in a fundamental way, or is purposefully hurtful to me, I don't have to stoop to their level. I want to handle touchy conflicting situations with maturity, self-control, and civility. I'm not out to make others angry at me; I don't wish to create enemies. I don't care how much I dislike a person; being mean to them is almost never the right thing to do. At the very least, I am civil. I don't play hardball. (This is one reason, I think, why I am a well-worn doormat.)

3. Choose your battles. Sometimes it is necessary to stand up, speak out, and swim against the current, but sometimes it is better for everyone to go with the flow without making waves. Some battles are just not worth fighting for any reason other than to satiate the urge to create controversy. I have to know which battles are worthwhile and which ones are lost before they're begun. It's all about what I'm risking. I am always saying this to Shawn. This is another reason why I am a well-worn doormat.

4. Everything in moderation. Buddhism is the perfect religion for me because it centers around this very principle. I dislike extremists of all kind, because I feel compromise is necessary and extreme situations and plans will not be benefit everyone equally. Most things are good in moderation, but when pushed to an extreme, become dangerous and harmful.

5. It's OK to not always go for the top of the pile. My parents always pushed me to perform at the top of my game, and while it's gotten me pretty far, it can also be exhausting and stressful. Perfection isn't always attainable. It is acceptable to setlle for second or third place, or even runner-up, in areas where being No. 1 isn't absolutely necessary.

6. When I'm hurt, leave me alone. This is how I generally react when I'm feeling bad, be it angry, stressed, sick, hurt, grieving, or sad. This isn't really a moral thing, like most of the above items are, but more of a behavioral rule that I live by.

7. Don't act too hastily. I've been burned many times by leaping without looking, enough that it's now my policy to plan, plan, plan whenever I can. I write things down, I make lists, I repeat things to myself, I create what-if scenarios and resolve them. I train myself to bury impulses and only act when I know what I'm doing is right. I am the anti-spontaneity fairy.

8. If I want the job done right, I should do it myself. This is not to say that I'm perfect at everything and everyone else pretty much sucks. It's to say that I generally don't trust the ability of others to create something the way I envision it. I'm a bad delegator and I'm selfish. I am willing to collaborate with others on projects, but if I'm the leader of a group of people who I don't know well enough to trust, I usually take the bulk of the important work myself.

9. Pinch every penny. I'm not as careful with anything as I am with my money. This comes from being financially strapped for several months without any means of supporting myself. I'm not a complete Scrooge; I'll give to charities and occasionally make impulse purchases or buy things for myself even if I don't need them, but I only do this when I can definitely afford the expense. I am all about saving for rainy days, and purchases over $50 usually make me nervous. (And that number used to be a lot lower). I'm very cautious about where and how I spend my funds.

10. If it isn't broken, don't replace it. I still have some shirts that I wore in high school for this reason. Having duplicates of something just for the hell of it is not my philosophy. If it still does its job and isn't falling apart (or about to), there's no reason to replace it. To me this is common sense, and suggestions to replace things that are still functional just seem ludicrous.

11. Respect is given, but also must be earned. I tend to respect everyone by default UNTIL they do something to lower my respect for them. At that point, it can be very difficult if not impossible to return to the same level of respect that the person started out with. It depends on what they did to deserve a loss of my respect, but usually it has to be something major to damage my opinion of that person. I can think of a few friends who have unfortunately lost a good chunk of my respect, and as hard as I've tried to grant it back to them, they still haven't recovered it completely.

12. Responsibility is a priority, and prioritizing is a responsibility. Few things are more important than having my priorities in line, because from this stems everything else. And if my parents didn't teach me anything else, they tought me to be responsible. I don't always follow it to a T, but hey, I'm not perfect. I try to be responsible for my work. I try not to take credit for what other people have done, or try to blame others when I'm the one who screwed up. Irresponsibility is something I look down upon in myself and others.


I'm out of time, so I'll have to explain these two later.

13. Being organized pays off.

14. If completing a job, an action, etc. is futile, don't do it.